Is it codependency or simply a desire to be connected? Although these concepts may sound similar to each other, they are vastly different. Having a secure connection is the ability to balance a healthy exploration of the world around us with a relationship we can return to when there is a need to be held, supported, or celebrated by the other person.

Codependency typically involves an obsession on the part of one or both individuals to control the other’s behaviour. For an individual to gain control, boundaries are often crossed on a regular basis. The need for control usually develops out of insecurity and can come at a great cost to the individuals involved. For example, one person might think, “If I do this, then they won’t leave me,” which leads to a pattern of overextending and feeling burnt out because they are ignoring their own needs. Overall, there is a chronic sense of being unsure where one person ends and another person begins.